Today marks a year since I found out for real that my dad had cancer. To be honest, I just couldn’t believe it. He passed away within the week. A part of me at times is still very mad at the hospital staff. Why didn’t they work to save his life? What does a DNR have to do with it? Aren’t doctors supposed to do everything they can to save a person’s life? Of course, I didn’t attend the meeting with the doctor, so I don’t honestly know how terrible my dad’s cancer had progressed. But, I had just seen him in April, and there was no talk of cancer then. How can doctors suddenly find a gross stage of terminal cancer when they failed to find it all along? These things perplexed and angered me. All along, I had hoped that none of it was true. I prayed he would be well.
I can still remember how just last year I was crying out, “Jesus! Jesus!” over the phone as my brother was telling me the news–for real. There was no way to deny it anymore. But, shock does that to a person for a season. I was in shock, and I couldn’t accept it. But, I remember that after writing a five page paper for my American Politics Class, suddenly truth settled it. I had to go home. Everyone else was there at the hospital already.
Within the week, dad passed away, and within the month, we buried him. All that within this year. Nobody talks about it anymore. And, I try to tell myself to not rehash it all. But, I’m a writer. This is my way of grieving. After all, June is his birthday, and he passed away a day before his birthday. June is also Father’s Day. No wonder it’s all hitting me right now.
Since last June, I’ve moved from Texas to Virginia. I’ve finished 2 Constitutional Law Classes and a class on Presidency. I have also become part of a wonderful church, and I now live in Chesapeake.
Since last June, I have also learned to care for someone to find that God had others plans, and I have, instead, poured my life into teaching 6th graders in a Title One school. More are the children of the desolate woman, the Word says. Somedays, I wonder if God will ever allow me to marry and have a family of my own. Then, I realize how He has filled my lack with His Presence and allowed me to minister to a lot of hurting families. Maybe in heaven that is how family works.
Today, I watched the Norfolk community serve its community by providing food, shoes, and opportunities for families. It was amazing to see churches, businesses, and non-profit organizations coming together to serve the area. I also got to have some heart to heart conversations where I heard myself speak about my heart’s desires.
Yes, a lot has happened within this year. But, these are the things I know. I know that dad gave his heart to Jesus Christ; I will see him again at Home. I also know that God has brought me here to Virginia to continue trusting in His Promises, and He has been faithful to use me in the schools and community. Furthermore, I know He is with me. He is with me in every sweet word of encouragement I receive from new friendships and from my older friendships. He is with me in the provisions He has granted me here on this ground.
I bless the Lord. I know He is going to do something truly amazing in the coming days. When we choose to say yes to Jesus, He is able to do extraordinary things in and through our lives.
I decided to get back into blogging again. I hope this entry blessed you. No matter where you are in this season, I understand how within one day, one month, one year—so much can happen. Imagine how God sees it all! To him, one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years, like 1 day. I love that HE is the constant in all of this. That’s what makes everything hold together for good.
Blessings in Christ,