You Can Be Honest:  Dealing with Fear and Marriage

​Some girls get married because they are afraid. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of never being loved. Afraid of being rejected by society. Afraid of becoming an old spinster, sitting in a rocking chair, surrounded by a thousand cats.  Haha. Yeah, fear can be ridiculous.

And, then, some girls don’t get married because they are afraid.  Afraid of losing their freedom. Afraid of being controlled by someone who will hurt them. Afraid of losing their relationship with God. Afraid of choosing the wrong man. Afraid of being abused. Afraid of being barefoot and pregnant with no identity and surrounded by loneliness in the midst of collected needy bodies.  Yeah, fear can be ridiculous.

I have been in both of these camps. 

In my 20’s I stayed in a relationship I was never meant to even begin because I was afraid of being alone and having nobody love me.

Then in recent years, I moved to the other camp without realizing it. Until yesterday.  

With all my talk about preparing for marriage, I hadn’t dealt with the actual fear of getting married.  Not until yesterday when the Holy Spirit unveiled it to me in worship.  As I unpackaged it, I saw fear of losing freedom, control, and identity at the root.  I now know why, and I can deal with it.  God is so gentle, too, to work with me on uprooting these lies with His truth. Because fear is a lie.  God never created any of His daughters to live in either camp.  

He has a different camp for His princesses. I now choose to abide with Him there in His Truth.  Let me tell you about that…

He is Love.  He ordained marriage.  He is the one who draws two into Holy Marriage by His Spirit of unity, when we are surrendered and open to Him, according to His will.  His desire for marriage is a desire that it be a testimony of Jesus Christ’s relationship to His Bride, the church.  Just from that, we can infer that God sees marriage as a beautiful, covenant, lifegiving, strengthening, and loving union.  This is the camp we want to be in when the season of marriage calls us.

I wrote this because I know my sisters needed to hear this.  Don’t be afraid.  But, if you are, you can be honest and tell God.  He will help you to move away from fear to see marriage as God meant for it to be.

Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love takes away fear. It is punishment that makes a person fear. So love is not made perfect in the person who has fear.

1 John 4:18 ICB

Much love, 

Christine ❤


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