Feb. 2, 2017

Someday when I grow up, I am going to be a ballerina. The problem is I am now 18, and I still dream this. The ability to prostrate vertically in the air on two pointed toes, challenging all gravity and pain is every girl’s dream, right? All that hope is tied up in wearing pretty, cream colored mesh, ribbons, and spandex— such a beautiful aspiration…

It’s uncanny how fluff can sometimes motivate and inspire us. I think about all this as a friend and I eagerly await for curtains to open. Any minute we will see sweet Clara falling in love with a Nutcracker. How many generations have gotten lost in this young girl’s fantasy of a wounded toy soldier coming to life, winning her heart by fighting a mouse-king with all his heroic strength? And then I think, how many of us have gotten lost in our own delusions of romance, hoping for our Prince Charming to come and battle our issues and rescue us from every pain? In reality, though, nutcrackers don’t really come to life. And men aren’t our saving grace. However, the battle we women all face can sometimes be so real, and our desperate cry for rescue, truly sincere.

Only God, though, can touch our deepest needs and deliver us from ourselves and our mess. I think we all forget that sometimes. 

As the Chicago Symphony Orchestra begins sounding out cello and violin strains, I look over at my friend. She is totally absorbed in her program guide. It will be the first time she has ever seen this ballet live. Me, too. I look at my phone. Eight minutes until the performance begins. I get up to use the ladies’ room. 

“Hey, Ginger, I will be back in a sec,” I tell her as I leave my aisle seat to rush and be back before the curtain opens. 

I do a wonder woman sprint to the powder room and head back to my row. My eyes forward, I scan seats for my red-headed friend, and I suddenly find a familiar profile. Directly five seats in front of mine is the man of my constant daydreams. I would have recognized him anywhere, and apparently at any angle because although all I can see is his back and left side of his wispy blonde head, I knew it was him! Ken. It was him, sitting.. right… next…to…a girl.

“You made it back just in time. Sit, “ whispered Ginger. I hadn’t realized I was still standing, just staring at the back of his head. Was that his girfriend?

“Hey, I know that guy in front of us,” I whisper back to her. She gives me a nod, but it is clear her attention is not diverting from the curtain ready to open. We have less than a minute. As I stare at the back of Ken’s head, I find myself marveling at the fact we keep running into each other. Also, I can’t help but feel a little disappointed to see he has a girlfriend. I try then to put him aside, because the curtain opens. The ballet starts.

As the Nutcracker fights with the mouse-king and sweet Clara, eventually intervenes, helping to save him, I find my eyes occasionally wandering back to Ken. Who is he with tonight? What will I say after the ballet when we see each other? Will he even remember me?

“Quit staring at the boy and enjoy the play,” Ginger whispers, nudging me with her elbow, rolling her eyes, but with a big smile.

I am thankful for her friendship. She refocuses me when I need it most. I give her a silly face and get back into the show. After the Dance of Sugar Plum Fairies, Clara awakens from her dream, and the ballet comes to a close. I feel a little nervous, knowing I may run into Ken.

“Excuse me,” a voice behind me says. I turn around and look into kind blue eyes. “Didn’t I meet you on registration day?” He looks familiar. I can’t quite place him, but the spray of freckles across his nose makes me smile. Freckles are so cute.

“Um…” I start to say I don’t remember…but then suddenly I do remember! It’s Robin! The guy who bumped into me on registration day in line the first week of school. I smile big. “Oh, yeah! I remember! Sorry. You just looked different without a hat,” I say. How do I tell him I didn’t ever expect to meet him at a ballet. Afterall, he is an athlete. A physical therapy major. I don’t say anything more but I introduce him to my friend Ginger, and I learn his real name—Chad. He then introduces me to his mom and dad. Apparently seeing the Nutcracker is a family tradition with his family. “Maybe I will see you around campus after break,” I say in parting. Anything is possible, after all.

Most people are out of the theater. I look toward the front and see that Ken is still there. I see him moving up the aisle with the girl beside him. I look busy trying to put on my coat. I nudge Ginger to let her know why I am acting funny.

But, there was no need for all my anxiety. Ken never looked my way. I did, however, watch him help the girl into her coat before they both walked out the building, following the exiting crowd.

So, just like that, my dream guy vanished, and just like sweet Clara, I wake up from my dreams.  

That is what it’s like to live in a fantasy world rather than reality. We live with things untrue, and unlike in ballets, musicals, and movies, we often encounter the real pain of disappointment time and time again.

That is what the Bible addresses when it says in Isaiah 44:20 it says, “A deluded heart feeds on ashes and cannot say that the thing in its right hand is a lie.” 

That is how idols take root in our lives, all from a little lie we can’t surrender over to our God. I realize I don’t want to live my life that way. I want to live honest and transparent in my heart before God, and I don’t want to lie to myself, no matter how painful the truth is.

We girls turn to fluff too much for rescue. Although God tells us over and over again to NOT put our trust in men, in days when we need Jesus the most, that is exactly what we will do, if we are not careful, even if it’s all especially only in our minds! We somehow think that arms of flesh and feet of clay can save us from our pain of rejection, loneliness, insecurity, fear, self-doubt, loss, and even anger. We run to fantasy, and we call it hope because for a moment we self-medicate our pain with pictures of how that special guy will save us. Oh, if we could only see the truth.

“You ok?” Ginger ask as we head out into the crisp winter air.

“Yes,” I tell her, and give her a genuine smile from my heart.

I mean my yes.

Ken is not an idol in my life.

There is a Reality in my life I am unwilling to trade for a delusion. His Name is Jesus. HE is my real Rescue. And, again I choose to love Him more.

Afterall…

#ImWorththeCost…ofHisRescue

Devo Section

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Write about a time when you had a crush on someone that you would daydream about. Ask

yourself these questions:

1. Why did you like that person?

2. Why did you daydream about that person?

3. Where was God in your life in the midst of this?

4. How can you submit your heart’s desires and daydreams to the Lord from today forward?

5. Do you believe God wants the best for you?

6. Do you trust Him?

7. When you are in need of a rescue, how can you run towards God?

Finish by writing a prayer, thanking God for all the blessings He has given you already in real life, and thank Him for knowing the real desires of your heart and keeping you real before Him.

If there are any false dreams or ideas you have clung to in your mind, repent of them, and put Christ first there in your heart. In Christ, you will never be disappointed.

#ImWorththeCost…ofHisRescue